Editors Note: This article is from the archives but is so timely!
There’s something about the male sex that has always puzzled me. Well,
aside from the fact that they are obviously from a different planet.
Why is it that girlfriend, no girlfriend, whatever…they are always on
the look out for something a little better? What is it about guys that
make them think they should always be on the prowl?
Dorm life has definitely given me plenty of exposure to all of this. It
was only a day after I arrived at this fine institution that the routine
floor checks began. Every male floor has sent at least one
representative, if not their whole entire floor, to go door to door in
order to “meet people” or “pay their respects.” All of this politeness
is just a cover-up, an opportunity for the boys to check out the fresh
meat. And boys, as oblivious as you think the female sex is, please
note, we aren’t stupid—we always know exactly what is going on.
Trust me, it’s nice that you want to “expand your horizons” and reach
out in order to meet “new and different people,” but maybe, just maybe,
sometime in the future, you’ll stop preying on the prey and let us get
some sleep. It’s nice that you boys want to meet so many of us so
badly, but, if you keep it up, we’re going to have to instill calling
hours or an incredibly scary bodyguard. I’m not trying to be cruel.
I’m just trying to give you a proper warning.
I suppose men can’t help it. They have a voyeuristic impulse when it
comes to specimens of the opposite sex. I know that you’re new or we’re
new, but if you want to look, you’re welcome to visit—just don’t
disguise your intentions with lies. We all know what you’re up to, and
we know that by the time finals come around, you will have narrowed your
spectrum to a few precious numbers. You’ll have located the perfect
meat, and you’ll intend to do whatever you can to get some. Hey, I
understand, you’ve got to release stress somehow. If you’re looking for
the perfect girl, then turn in your applications now. But if you’re
looking for a chance to check it all out, come back after finals: we’re
closed for business.
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